ft.com School Reports!!

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ft.com School Reports!!

Postby AdrianFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:14 pm

I've written the first set of reports for the following class members:

NEWER ones!!

Maff Si

My first encounter with Maff was to tell him to remove his comedy wig and beard. Much to my embarassment, these turned out to be natural. After much apologising, the rest of the term progressed without trouble. Maff is kind to other pupils, often sharing his lunch (fish sandwiches) with the rest of the school, quite considerate as there are 5000 pupils. His dress is rather non-conformant, preferring more flowing garments and open toed footwear. Despite no record of bullying, many pupils fear him, citing a "fear of redemption". His work can be described as nothing short of miraculous, with the exception of Woodwork - an irrational fear of hammers and nails prevents Maff taking part.

elm_us

Rob's best subject is undoubtably IT, although his home directory on the network runs out of space every lesson. A large increase in the schools internet traffic seems to tie in very closely with the schedule of his IT lessons... Up until recently every project he did had parts surplus to requirements, notably the two extra openings for his "shopping trip" machine. I'm happy to report this is now rectified, although the castors on the machine are still several sizes to small. Rob has promised me this will be seen to ASAP.

Fezzr Boy / Fezzr Girl / Fezzr

Changing names twice during the school year reaked havoc with the registration system, and confused many pupils and members of staff. Ian / Iris has rather a gloomy outlook on life and an inherant disklike of first years, or "fudgekin newbies" as he / she describes them, especially those who ask questions in the wrong classroom.

Simon T

I'm convinced Simon is old enough to have left school many years ago - his appearance is oddly deceptive to his age. He exibits an odd trait of waving his arms about and miming a "box" shape with his hands whenever he hears certain sounds. These include road drills, the fire alarm, level crossing beeps and class 4a performing percusssion practice. During school dinners he performs a strange forward / backward motion with a pair of dinner plates, while he holds a donut to one ear and shouts "Triptech in the house! rip the motherf**kin 303s out!!" to the canteen staff. Music lessons provide much enjoyment to Simon, he's never happier than when he's bashing away on a snare drum, although our Music Teacher Mrs Winterbottom is often confused when Simon asks if he can have a distortion bandpass filter - most of the children are happy with a triangle.

MEO13434.. er 3452? no hang on... 3D234, 34DD?

Sadly, Meo had to be excluded from school earlier this year due to disruptive behavour and tale telling. Stories of projects at his previous school didn't wash with other pupils and many playground fights broke out. Due to his misunderstanding of compression, he was often the last to leave lessons after repeat attempts to cram an impossible number of excercise books into his backpack. A friend of Meo's was also excluded for continuing to arrive at school dressed in chequed trousers, size 30 shoes and a curly red wig.

-----------------

New ones:

Excursion

A bizzare pupil, definatly appears to be on some form of medication. Repeat attempts to have him seen by the school nurse have failed due to him (in her words) "making a pass" at her. His work is top notch, but is split between course work and using the science lab to construct elaborate devices that pass smoke through water for some unknown reason?

Mick GR

Seemingly only attends school when drunk. Entertaining for the pupils but somwhat hazardous for staff. Often has no reccolection of the previous day's events. Very open with his emotions and often seen expressing his love for a mystery female.

MMoGENIUS

Paul's desk is the untidiest in the class and is held together with zip ties. Homework is late with the most common excuse being "my dad ran over it with a tipper truck". He is easily exited and gets carried away when around others. He shares the same childish sense of humour as XR2i Chick, and the two of them can often be found flicking elastic bands and piching each others bottoms.

XR2i Chick

Claire is always present in class but has a habit of making sexual references to the content of the coursework. It's becoming increasingly difficult to prepare classes and text so that no unsuspecting doublé entendres lurk around the next corner, for example: columns, pillars and other forms of errections send her into fits of giggles.

Jay Xfactor

Initially I believed Jay to be the school open day's special celebrity guest, "Manuel" from TV's "Fawlty Towers". However on confirmation that he was indeed a pupil, his term proceeded well. I am concerened however that he may be dealing tobacco as he is forever answering his mobile in class and discussing payment for pipes, lights and filters...

-----------------------------

Chumkila

Very "enthusiastic" posting, but easily distracted by the females of the class leading to excessive flirting. His concentration tends to wander from the initial subject of discussion...

Vix

(note to self, check records, appears much to young to be in this class)

Fezzy Turbo

(note to self, check records, appears much to old to be in this class)

Project ST

Keen to help and very enthusiastic with practical tasks, but sadly displays some lack of aptitude at art, especially painting. I recommed that Project avoid this subject in future and insead seek help.

Fiesta Boy

Word fail me when it comes to this lad. Sadly, words also fail him, as clearly displayed in the content of his work. Spelling, grammer and punctuation has the consistancy of £2.99 "Super Bargain" oil. Mark's colour co-ordination is appalling. His term project having at least four different hues...

Phil Si

Undoubtably the "class clown" and seemingly the butt of every joke. It's difficult to tell whether his reported exploits are fact or fiction. Scored very highly in creative writing and drama.. It's a shame the same can't be said for his sense of humour. Very "subjective" and constant use of bad puns leaves plenty of eyes rolling...

Gaz 7

Helpful, quiet, contributes very constructive help to the class. A star pupil, and thus deserves to be beaten up behind the tyre rack sheds and have his mod money stolen.

Paul R

Very athletic, especially in sprints, which he has down to a fine art. Suprising given his "generous" build. Always wears trackie bottoms and white trainers in class. A quiet performer who is expected to do well this year.

Sunny

Quite a loud member of the class but gets on well with the other members (especially the female ones...) Takes great delight in bringing his expensive toys into school to show off. Spends all his dinner money on mobile phones which always ring during class. Academic progress shows great potential but homework is never handed in. Blames friends "Ian" and "Mark" with excuses ranging from "needs a bit more work" to "it's being tested". Geography work seems to always be "being mapped".

Snake

Started the year off well, helpful to classmates and a cheeky smile. Attendence recently has been appalling. Not seen or heard of for several months now.

Graham B

Excellent work but takes years and years to complete projects. Insists on documenting every stage of his work with photos and comments. He finally handed in his mk1 project this year for which he scored an impressive 98%.
Last edited by raceface8 on Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:04 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Phil Si on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:16 pm

LOL class clown :) dont u mean ass clown :lol:
Last edited by Phil Si on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby XR2i Chick on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:19 pm

Who's next!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: There wicked!
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Postby FezzyMK3.5 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:22 pm

lol thats quality that is ade ! :lol:
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Postby EvilFranky on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:24 pm

Well impressed :wink:
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Postby ~Vix~ on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:30 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



:cry: @ mine!



geoff hasnt got internet access in his new flat so hasnt been around for a while :)
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Postby Gaz7 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:32 pm

LOLOL :D :D :D I like it :D :D

Although you'll have major trouble nicking my 'mod' money :D :D

Now, my 're-standardising' money, that's an entirely different matter :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Gareth :D
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Postby Phil Si on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:38 pm

Gaz7 wrote:Now, my 're-standardising' money, that's an entirely different matter :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Gareth :D



lol!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby XR2i Chick on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:41 pm

Adrian Frst
Adrian has done well this year although gaining a potential A* in theory, this year in his grade has dropped due to his Project not actually being completed and actually missing 2 years worth of Show and Tell at FITP! this has drastically damaged his marks this year.

We are expecting a result any time soon. Parents evening was interesting with Adrian as they informed me that he was spending alot of time in the garage furiously buffing his bits...???

Frequent visits to the school nurse increased abscence this year, reportd found traces of Autoglym found in Adrians blood, Further tests are being carried out..

Huge Potential in Science, but has been banned from experimenting with Nitrous Oxide, very good report though.
Usually quiet in English, frequently coming out with Witty Coments are Adrians speciality,although usually spends most of his PE lessons Sqatting to one side..... grades agan slipping here - SEE BELOW
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This years A* Student, and we are hoping for a very sucsessfull outcome.
Last edited by XR2i Chick on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:46 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Gaz7 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:44 pm

Then there's the 'dirty' money that i'm ashamed of :oooh: :oooh: The kind spent on naughty non-standard headunits and the like :lol: :lol: :lol:

But it's ok as these can be removed for class presentations :wink: :lol: :lol: :D

Standard is beautiful!

Gareth :D
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Postby ~Vix~ on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:52 pm

:lol: :lol: @ Ade's, thats quality! :lol:



its my birthday soon, so do i get a new report? :p
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Postby sunnyFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:55 pm

Quality :lol: Am I really that loud? :o + Love the geagraphy work seems to always be "being mapped" + it IS them that slow me down...honest sir! :lol: :Q
Last edited by sunnyFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Do you have any idea what 178.8mph feels like in a Fiesta? 2000 lb of pressure per square inch per second pushing back on your face. It feels like god himself is trying to rip the skin off your skull while someone lands a 747 on your chest.
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Postby GavStyli on Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:56 pm

nice 1 Ade :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: any more ?? pimsle
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Postby fiesta boy on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:13 pm

adrian shuuut it THERS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SPELLING I CAN SPELL EXTRAMLY WELL WHEN I CAN BE ARSED :lol:
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Postby vanny magnet on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:17 pm

Quality :Q
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Can i have one :rolleyes:
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Postby Brycey on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:21 pm

And me? :rolleyes:
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Postby ©hatter Box on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:32 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: llama
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Postby elm_us on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:37 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: all great,

wheres mine :P
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Postby grahamb on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:41 pm

98%? LOL, thanks Ade :D
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Postby AdrianFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:44 pm

New ones! First post edited, at the top.
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Postby elm_us on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:48 pm

LMA0 @ new ones :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: ft.com School Reports!! **5 new!**

Postby ~Vix~ on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:55 pm

AdrianFRST wrote:
Mick GR

Seemingly only attends school when drunk. Entertaining for the pupils but somwhat hazardous for staff. Often has no reccolection of the previous day's events. Very open with his emotions and often seen expressing his love for a mystery female.



:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby zetec69 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:06 pm

lol These are great Adrian! I can see a few more bangin' possibilities!
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Postby MOONDUST FRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:07 pm

:lol: there great!
More please :D
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Postby SimonT on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:09 pm

very good chap! :lol:
Too old and too bald.
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Postby sunnyFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:13 pm

can you update it with one for MOU1212122384237847328423? :lol:
Do you have any idea what 178.8mph feels like in a Fiesta? 2000 lb of pressure per square inch per second pushing back on your face. It feels like god himself is trying to rip the skin off your skull while someone lands a 747 on your chest.
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Postby dorno on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:22 pm

sunnyFRST wrote:can you update it with one for MOU1212122384237847328423? :lol:


gotta be done! :lol:
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Postby wilson123 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:23 pm

llama very funny $hit mate
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:'( goodbye uni it has been fun!
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Postby AdrianFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:23 pm

Another 5, and yes, he's in there!!! :D
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Postby elm_us on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:29 pm

woohoo im there PM5L nice one ade,

and LMFAO @ meo3279483

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Summer22 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:30 pm

:lol: :lol: VERY impressed with these Ade :D
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Postby XR2i Chick on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:31 pm

fiesta boy wrote:adrian shuuut it THERS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SPELLING I CAN SPELL EXTRAMLY WELL WHEN I CAN BE ARSED :lol:


EXTRAMLY???

CAps Lock FinGer?!?!?!
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Postby Summer22 on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:33 pm

Tho i am surprised u havent done the obvious ones Ade, mentioning no names
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Postby sunnyFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:33 pm

absolute quality! :lol:
As I said in another post today....this is how FT.COM should be....I was beginning to lose faith in the site with idiots tripping up but now it's back to being a proper site! :D

Sunny.
Last edited by sunnyFRST on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Do you have any idea what 178.8mph feels like in a Fiesta? 2000 lb of pressure per square inch per second pushing back on your face. It feels like god himself is trying to rip the skin off your skull while someone lands a 747 on your chest.
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Postby ~Vix~ on Tue Apr 29, 2003 9:34 pm

:lol: roflmao @ Si's

this has got to be a classic! :lol:
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