fiestaturbo.com

[luke_mk3_st]

i fancied a take away last night, so i phoned the chinese, the guy answered the phone and said "herro, im Wan King the cook" i said, "No worries mate, i'll call back later"

haha

[luke_mk3_st]

a blind man went to a resturant "menu sir?" asked the owner, "im blind, just bring me one of the dirty forks, i will smell it and order." confused the owner got a fork. the blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath. "yes, i will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring veg." unbelivable thought the owner! so the blind man ate and then left. 2 weeks later the blind man returned. the owner wanting to see how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife brenda was cooking. he said, "do me a favour and rub this fork over your pussy!" , witch she does! he then goes to the blind man and gives gim the fork, the blind man takes it puts it to his nose and says " f**k me! i never knew brenda worked here!!! "


next time you think your having a bad day picture this, you are a conjoined twin. your twin is gay you are not! he is having a bf over tonight you only have 1 arse........


the worlds shortest fairy tale.
once upon a time a bloke asked a girl "will you marry me?"
the girl says "NO"
AND THE BLOKE LIVED HAPPILY EVERY AFTER, AND f**cked ALL HER MATES, AND RODE MOTORCYCLES AND WENT FISHING, AND PLAYED FOOTALL AND DRANK BEER, AND ATE CURRY AND LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP AND PLAYED THE PLAYSTATION AND FARTED AND HAD A tug WHENEVER HE WANTED....... the end.

[luke_mk3_st]

a boy turns up at school with his cat peeping out his bag, his teacher is very puzzled and asks him "tommy what is ur cat doing at school 2day?" tommy answers "i herd the postman telling my mum when your kids have gone 2 school im gonna eat your pussy!! so i wasnt taking any chances!!"

[heeman10]

the worlds shortest fairy tale.
once upon a time a bloke asked a girl "will you marry me?"
the girl says "NO"
AND THE BLOKE LIVED HAPPILY EVERY AFTER, AND f**cked ALL HER MATES, AND RODE MOTORCYCLES AND WENT FISHING, AND PLAYED FOOTALL AND DRANK BEER, AND ATE CURRY AND LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP AND PLAYED THE PLAYSTATION AND FARTED AND HAD A tug WHENEVER HE WANTED....... the end.

[frst toady]

one nite wife says to husband
" shall i slip into something that will make u smile?"
husband says " wot like, a fudgekin coma!!"

[frst toady]

alzheimers test.....


how fast can you guess these words?

1. F__K


2. PU_S_


3. S_X


4. P_N_S


5. BOO_S


6. __NDOM

ANSWERS ;
1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

Got all six wrong didnt you.......

[SLEEMAN]

i came home one night to find all my doors smashed in and everything gone



....what sick f**k would do that to my advent calender????

[frst toady]

A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot,
every time he does a trick the parrot shouts " Its in his pocket"
or 4 of clubs!
its got a false bottom
the magician hates it.
That night the ship sinks and him and the parrot cling to a piece of drift wood.
For 4 days the parrot says f**k all, just stares at him......
on the fifth day the parrot says "Ok clever baxtered,
i give up,
where's the ship gone?"

[frst toady]

An american tourist asks an irishman, why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats????
to which the irishman replies-- if they fell forward they'd still be in the fudgekin boat!

[jayrs]

some old ones, but good ones

[frst toady]

A man walks in to Asda, slaps his circumsized penis on the counter and says "Bet you cant roll that back"

[frst toady]

My wife threw me out cos she caught me measuring the
size of my 'conquering device',,
It just reaches the back of her sisters throat!

[frst toady]

The other nite my wife asked me where i would like to be buried.
apparently, "Face first in cheryl coles pussy" was not the
response she was expecting

[frst toady]

Son watches his mum and dad having sex and says "what are you doing?"
Dad - "making you a brother or sister!"
Son - "do her doggy style i want a puppy"

[frst toady]

I've just tied the knot,
i'm so happy!!
Now all thats left to do is kick the chair she's standing on and i'm a free man!!!

[jayrs]