If you could give an FT'er a tv show...

Featuring the flop top fop himself and special guest stars.

Postby Pez on Mon May 29, 2006 12:45 pm

Changing Rooms with Ian_FRST

This week Ian guides us through the transformation of his living room, from stripping the wallpaper, through painting the ceiling, re-papering, then stripping once more after asking the audience if he's made the right choice or not. A lengthy series and with so many changes nobody can be sure if the house will ever be truly finished.
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Postby ianFRST on Mon May 29, 2006 8:27 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :oops:
No longer a FRST owner, or even a Fiesta owner :(
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Postby SimonT on Thu Jun 01, 2006 12:26 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Absolute classics!
Too old and too bald.
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Postby jdfiesta on Sat Jun 03, 2006 10:21 am

:lol: at this post, absolute quality
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Postby Summer22 on Sat Jun 03, 2006 10:59 am

Guy Mk4 wrote:To Style Or Not To Style
Occasional series presented by FT resident stylist, Brycey.
Join him in his daily dilema of what to do with his hair, with hilarious consequences. With news and reviews of upcoming products, this is definatly not one to miss for those that love their hair (rpt).


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby TIL13R on Sat Jun 03, 2006 12:47 pm

lol quality post keep them coming! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby andyhardy on Sun Jun 04, 2006 1:22 am

Crap In The Attic, with andyhardy (Men & Motors, 9pm)
Andy spends each weekend scouring his attic for articles he can sell to fund his numerous habits and hobbies. The first eleven episodes of this series saw him find the same finely-tuned 1.9 CVH engine each week; hopefully the latest installment will find Andy trying to sell something different.


:lol:

How to launch with James 'heeman10' Forsyth:

Each week James tries to launch his car quicker than a pedestrian 7 seconds from 0 to 60 but each week he fails. This week he tries to blame his Mum for not giving him enough testosterone whilst in the womb with funny consequences...
Carburetted CVH p-p-powa!
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Postby Pez on Sun Jun 04, 2006 1:24 am

andyhardy wrote:How to launch with James 'heeman10' Forsyth:

Each week James tries to launch his car quicker than a pedestrian 7 seconds from 0 to 60 but each week he fails. This week he tries to blame his Mum for not giving him enough testosterone whilst in the womb with funny consequences...


LMFAO!!! :lol:
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Postby Rhinopower on Sun Jun 04, 2006 3:01 pm

Haha, Heeman's been owned!!
MotorcyclesFish wrote:The thing is if I caught Brian fudgekin a bloke, I wouldn't think 'oh Brian's a gay', I'd think 'Brian that fudgekin weird haired mongoloid is raping a gay to see if anyone finds it funny' :lol: :lol:
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Postby mike_wall15 on Sun Jun 04, 2006 5:17 pm

Poor Jimbo! :lol:
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Postby MotorcyclesFish on Sun Jun 04, 2006 5:19 pm

Homo Showdown
Exploitative late-night series in which mincing homosexuals are enraged by the blase, homophobic taunts of "definitely straight" tradesmen and released into an arena to do battle. This week, heeman and andyhardy are goaded into action by the base wit of engine builders until a handbag-assisted battle royale is inevitable. Analysis by Terry Venables and Gary Lineker. Half-time entertainment by The Pussycat Dolls.

Smo Motion
Travelogue in which Smo journeys around the UK by car, switching to bicycle for the last 100yds for the camera, looking at various examples of classic vehicles. This week, Smo gives the impression of cycling around the Midlands and visits a trio of classic Vauxhalls near a once-great industrial town.

Fiction: Stranger Than Fact
Lighthearted yet earnest series in which Ollie travels around the world debunking popular myths propagated by vacant dimwits. Today, Ollie visits London to debase the Phil Si myth as an early attempt at internet social control and to examine the spurious rumours of an effective and popular London borough council.
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Postby nick050 on Sun Jun 04, 2006 10:08 pm

:lol: great these
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Postby Ollie on Sun Jun 04, 2006 10:12 pm

Excellent! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby TomRS1800 on Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:24 am

Points of View with Grant (BBC2 6pm)


:lol: :lol: :lol:


Moan at that fish boy :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Capri on Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:40 am

The Price Is Right with Mike Wallis

A new show in which Mike travels around the country meeting people who are interested in buying his car, but won't have the money to buy it until some time in the future. Today, Mike visits a Scottish fishmonger who tells him he loves the car, but won't have the money for another 17 months. And of course, there's the regular slot 'It's Not Black, It's Actually A Dark Purple Colour Called "Aubergine"'.
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Postby muz on Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:23 pm

Secrets Of Success with Adam Skilar. ITV 4:30am

Indepth 3-part mini series, which looks into what it takes to be successful. This week we focus on 23 year old chip shop manager Adam Skilar and his aray of "Fast Fords" "Faster women" and "Goldie lookin' chains" and asks the question "Is this lifestyle really worth stinking of fish." Narrarated by John Barnes
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Postby MotorcyclesFish on Mon Jun 05, 2006 5:14 pm

muz wrote:Secrets Of Success with Adam Skilar. ITV 4:30am

Indepth 3-part mini series, which looks into what it takes to be successful. This week we focus on 23 year old chip shop manager Adam Skilar and his aray of "Fast Fords" "Faster women" and "Goldie lookin' chains" and asks the question "Is this lifestyle really worth stinking of fish." Narrarated by John Barnes


It is at this juncture I wish to point out the differences between a chip shop and a fish shop: to be precise, the associated odours thereof. A chip shop may have dead fish knocking around by the hundred and may therefore impart a fishy smell to its employees; a fish shop, dealing only with live and therefore submerged fish, merely has a faint whiff of water and humidity with a touch of fish food.

Grant, fragrant throughout.
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Postby FezzR on Mon Jun 05, 2006 5:35 pm

MotorcyclesFish wrote:
muz wrote:Secrets Of Success with Adam Skilar. ITV 4:30am

Indepth 3-part mini series, which looks into what it takes to be successful. This week we focus on 23 year old chip shop manager Adam Skilar and his aray of "Fast Fords" "Faster women" and "Goldie lookin' chains" and asks the question "Is this lifestyle really worth stinking of fish." Narrarated by John Barnes


It is at this juncture I wish to point out the differences between a chip shop and a fish shop: to be precise, the associated odours thereof. A chip shop may have dead fish knocking around by the hundred and may therefore impart a fishy smell to its employees; a fish shop, dealing only with live and therefore submerged fish, merely has a faint whiff of water and humidity with a touch of fish food.

Grant, fragrant throughout.

depend if he sells enough to get rid of it before it goes off :wink:
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Postby heeman10 on Mon Jun 05, 2006 9:33 pm

andyhardy wrote: How to launch with James 'heeman10' Forsyth:

Each week James tries to launch his car quicker than a pedestrian 7 seconds from 0 to 60 but each week he fails. This week he tries to blame his Mum for not giving him enough testosterone whilst in the womb with funny consequences...

'conquering device' suckist! :lol:
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Postby andyhardy on Tue Jun 06, 2006 2:20 am

I knew you'd appreciate it James! :P :lol:
Carburetted CVH p-p-powa!
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Postby mike_wall15 on Tue Jun 06, 2006 9:22 am

Capri wrote:The Price Is Right with Mike Wallis

A new show in which Mike travels around the country meeting people who are interested in buying his car, but won't have the money to buy it until some time in the future. Today, Mike visits a Scottish fishmonger who tells him he loves the car, but won't have the money for another 17 months. And of course, there's the regular slot 'It's Not Black, It's Actually A Dark Purple Colour Called "Aubergine"'.


How true! Nice one Alex! :lol:
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Postby MotorcyclesFish on Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:42 pm

I *thought* I remembered making a topic like this... :D

Top Gear
Travelogue presented by SimonT, detailing his alternative-culture experiences around the world. This week, Simon takes in the breathtaking scenery visible from the Eiffel Tower whilst reaching new plains of awareness using locally-sourced organic charlie. Next week: A mix-up at Afghan border control leaves Simon explaining the presence of a metric tonne of fairy dust to an aggressive, disinterested militiaman.
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Postby ~S1~ on Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:03 pm

"Around the World in 80 Cars" with Alex Capri. Alex and his long term life partner attempt to circumnavigate the globe using only the cheapest cars available. Each car is purchased with a full tank of fuel but must be replaced when it runs out.

**Tonight Episode 12**

Chaos in Krakow

Alex and his lover run into deep water after the purchase of a late seventies Mustard-coloured Trabant. The errant pair disover their latest transportation is lacking in one vital component, an angine. "This wouldn't happen with a BX" snarls Alex. The pair are forced to hire a group of local orphans to push them to their next rendezvous which throws the schedule out. Tune in next week to see if the boys make it to Leningrad on time!
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Postby ~S1~ on Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:09 pm

Time Team with Victoria Swinden

The chunky-knit jumper crew go underground to excavate a newly discovered encampment in Wookey Hole. A disgruntled Vix says "When Law suggested we do some pot-holing this is NOT what I had in mind, I havent even brought any WKD's with me"
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Postby MotorcyclesFish on Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:09 pm

The Call Of Nature Time-Trial
Extreme driving series where contestants are loaded up with laxative foods and pitted against the clock, and their own bodily functions, in a gruelling endurance test. This week Paul attempts to navigate Milton Keynes against the clock. Commentary by Dave Yanetski.
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Postby Rhinopower on Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:13 pm

Smells Like B**s**t

Grant talks crap for 3 hours straight


:lol: :P
MotorcyclesFish wrote:The thing is if I caught Brian fudgekin a bloke, I wouldn't think 'oh Brian's a gay', I'd think 'Brian that fudgekin weird haired mongoloid is raping a gay to see if anyone finds it funny' :lol: :lol:
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Postby ~S1~ on Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:15 pm

MotorcyclesFish wrote:The Call Of Nature Time-Trial
Extreme driving series where contestants are loaded up with laxative foods and pitted against the clock, and their own bodily functions, in a gruelling endurance test. This week Paul attempts to navigate Milton Keynes against the clock. Commentary by Dave Yanetski.


FPMSL :lol:
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Postby ~nomad~ on Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:36 pm

THOSE LIGHTS WERE ON FOR 2 fudgekin SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!
ARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:lol:
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Postby heeman10 on Sun Feb 04, 2007 11:11 pm

MotorcyclesFish wrote:The Call Of Nature Time-Trial
Extreme driving series where contestants are loaded up with laxative foods and pitted against the clock, and their own bodily functions, in a gruelling endurance test. This week Paul attempts to navigate Milton Keynes against the clock. Commentary by Dave Yanetski.

:lol::lol::lol:
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Postby ~S1~ on Sun Feb 04, 2007 11:22 pm

Those fekkin lights were a right b@stard though, they went green for like 2 seconds. All the cars in front were driven by feckwits so it took me n Dave about 3 goes to get through them :lol: Some nobber tried cutting in front of me at a junction but I got angry and cut 'im up :D I'm a calm sort of dude normally! :)






not
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Postby heeman10 on Sun Feb 04, 2007 11:40 pm

Not so many swings then? You're definitely not getting any rent out of me after that little display.
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Postby Capri on Mon Feb 05, 2007 1:01 am

No, I Really Didn't Mean It Like That, with Grant Rafter
Expert pedant Grant Rafter returns for a second series of visits to popular internet forums in order to post sardonic and dry one-line comments about their users. This week, a comment on the Micra Owner's Group discussion board goes awry when Grant discovers that a man he accuses of being 'blind as a gibbon's urinary tract' is in fact David Blunkett. Plus, of course, the weekly spot 'VisorDown Pwns Joo'.

Followed by:

I Didn't Mean It Like That Revisited, with Grant Rafter
A 'We're Not Milking The Success Of Our TV Show, Honest' series in which expert pedant Grant Rafter revisits several of the forums on which he posted comments on in the first, epic series of the show. In this episode, Grant discovers that a comment he posted on the Renault 11 Register sparked a gang war in which three people lost their lives.
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Postby andyhardy on Mon Feb 05, 2007 1:09 am

:lol: - very good Alex, Grant Rafter as 'Louis Theroux'! :D
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Re: If you could give an FT'er a tv show...

Postby MotorcyclesFish on Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:12 pm

Outrage!
New Series. Challenge Anneka-style game show in which Paul Roberts attempts to offend as many purists in a nominated niche interest as possible before the timer runs out. Hot on the heels of his success in the pilot in which he angered the Focus RS Owners' Group by stripping a genuine RS car, he now faces up to the challenge of upsetting a rural Farmers' Market in Derbyshire with ingenious use of a motorway planning application.

Plebshock Social Nadshow
Occasional series in which Fil Feersum_Enjin consumes vast amounts of alcohol and ritually exposes himself in a heavily populated social situation. This week, Fil relaxes with six bottles of a FairTrade Chablis before presenting a breathtaking show for passersby in the Galleria shopping centre.
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Re: If you could give an FT'er a tv show...

Postby Capri on Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:13 pm

Bugger, I Shouldn't Have Broken That One

A bi-monthly hour-long special in which Dave Yanetski purchases a thoroughly great example of a Ford Fiesta, becomes bored with it before he's even arrived home. Will he break this one or won't he? Join Dave on a journey of joyful indecision as he comes to the inevitable conclusion that he is going to break the car, and then feel his pain as he sells off half the parts only to realise that he actually should have kept it after all. Great family entertainment.
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